The pain passes, but the beauty remains

Let me be the first to say I hate vague blog posts. I feel the writer posts them so that they will get a bunch of sympathy comments in return. I shouldn't judge, because I am sure that's not always the case. I read your blogs because I think you're funny, you're real, and I feel like, even though we're not friends in real life, we connect on some level and if you lived in Houston we might actually hang out. I don't read your blogs to be confused by posts that leave me wondering if you're teetering on the edge of something major or if I need to worried about your sanity.

That being said, I'm sorry for my last post.

I got some news last night from a dear friend - a friend I honestly can't remember my life without - and it rocked the shit out of my world. I won't divulge the details, as they are not mine to give away, but the call left me speechless and I hung up the phone, finished my drive home, walked into my empty house, sat on my couch in silence/darkness for 5 minutes, then went on my insane run (seriously...I was hauling ass) before absolutely falling apart in the privacy of my shower. I was just numb before the water hit me, and then I lost it. I haven't cried like that since...

...well, to be honest, I don't know that I have ever cried like that.

My friend doesn't read my blog. Doesn't even know I have one. Really, not many of my friends do. I find it's easier for me to write whatever I want knowing no one I see daily will ask me about it. I needed to get those feelings out last night, though. I just didn't know how to feel. My friend is ok physically, and there is some solace in that, but knowing how broken emotionally they are right now is just way more than I was prepared to deal with last night.

I don't live a perfect life. None of my friends do, either. However, as far as lives go, we've all led pretty charmed ones. We've dealt with our share of issues and heartbreak, but nothing that we haven't been able to talk about and work through. I don't know if that makes me a more insensitive person - I've never dealt with anything HUGE, so I am not sure how to react when one of my friends has to. Not that any of my friends really has had to, yet...

...until now.

I know full well this is not about me. I didn't want the last post to sound like I was trying to garner any sort of pity for MY situation. I wrote it because, for some reason, yesterday on the phone I couldn't say it.

I appreciate the concern. It amazes me how kind internet friends can be. How kind strangers can be. I am completely fine. The only thing about my life that is going to change from last night's discussion will be my phone bill - that sucker is likely going to increase exponentially.

I considered taking the post down this morning, but I think it needs to stay up. Maybe someday, when all is right with their world again, I will show it to my friend. Show them that even though I didn't have the words on the phone, I was able to get it down in writing. And I doubt they will be the least bit surprised. They know I've always been better on paper, anyway.

If you pray, please say a little prayer for my friend. I know they would be grateful.

Apologies for the ambiguity.

Here's to healing.

Because they will. They will heal. Of that, I am certain. Nothing ambiguous about that.


Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever.
Lance Armstrong

a phone call...

...can take your breath away.

I sat on the other end of the phone, speechless.

Worthless.

Not paying attention to the traffic surrounding me.

I had nothing to offer you. Nothing to say.

I love you so much.

I hope you know that. I told you, but I hope you really know.

Our friendship spans decades.

So much history, so much laughter. So few sad moments.

I know you don't know this exists. You'll never read this.

Maybe that's why I'm writing it.

You'll be happy to know that when I got off the phone and was unable to just be in the house, I went for a run and ran my best 2 mile time. Ever. My legs felt great.

Then I sobbed for 10 minutes in the shower. I couldn't catch my breath. My chest felt like it was closing in.

I wanted to rage.

Against the ones that didn't call me sooner.

Against the demons you're fighting off.

Against you, for choosing this path.

I am angry. Confused. Sad that you didn't reach out sooner, but I guess I understand why it would be tough.

I hope you call me often. I hope you answer when I call you. Because I will. Maybe daily.

I know this might sound like I am making this about me. I don't mean for it to.

I really don't know how to deal with the information you've given me.

I hope you learn how to deal with it.

I miss you.

Please get better. For everyone that loves you. For yourself.

Please.

Please.

Runner runner

(Speed Racer, Messi in a tutu, Batman in a tutu, Bright Blue in a tutu, and Ace Ventura)

Apologies for the shitty photo - result of a camera phone.

I had big plans for the costume, including an eye mask and possibly a cape, but when I woke up on Saturday morning and realized it was 80 degrees at 6am with 90% humidity, I 86'd that shiz.

Like the tutus? Totally homemade.
Also, possibly my new side project...

Time improved from last race, but I am still working it down. My issue is that when I run during the week at home, I only run a 2-mile course in my neighborhood. Upon showing up to a 5K, I am totally unprepared for the 3rd mile. Go me, I know. I am so smart it hurts, sometimes.

The week is already busy, which hopefully means Friday will get here sooner than later!

**A Texas team made it to the World Series! I heart Josh Hamilton, big time. Go Rangers!

I don't wanna...

Ever have those days where it's all just no good, very bad, terrible, make you wanna rage against everything and punch someone in the face?

Yeeeaaah...it's been one of those weeks.

I have no energy, which is AWESOME, considering I am running tomorrow, so today I am not leaving you with much except these few things...


- In Thin news, I am down a total of 10lbs since the wedding! Where the hell was this motivation before I put on that white dress and stood up in front of basically everyone I know? Eh, whatevs. It's here now, and it's here to stay!

- Tomorrow's 5K and I are already not friends and I am so going to whoop it's ass, it's not even funny.

- Stupid people really piss me the hell off.

- Driving to work in the dark blows big time. Arriving home when it's almost dark also sucks balls and makes me feel sort of like a vampire, since I am stuck indoors during every freaking daylight hour. On the plus side, I do get to drive home watching some pretty wicked sunsets.

For your viewing pleasure, from our faves here...














Happy weekending, all!

I've had 2 mochaccinos today, I totally feel like ralphing

Saul decided that since, as a wedding gift, we received a coffee maker with an automatic starter thingy on it, we should start making the java in the mornings. You guys, I was 2 cups deep before 8am. My heart feels like it's going to explode out of my chest and I am literally holding onto my desk so I don't shoot out of my chair and through my office ceiling. Me and coffee? Not friends.

The weekend was one of friends and food and fun (not as many photos as I'd like, since the camera ran out of batteries and I kept forgetting to load it up before I left the house, so pretty much every time I turned it on to snap a picture, it shut right back down. FML.). Friday night we went to the bar that's within walking distance of our casa (I'd be lying if I said it wasn't something we were TOTALLY stoked about when we bought the house) and had a celebratory (legal) beer with my newly 21 year-old cousin. I've been drinking with the girl since she was 18, but it was nice to actually be out with her, knowing she wasn't going to get busted for sippin' on a Coors Light. We also might have bought her some shots. Maybe.

Saturday was lazy. Watched a lot of football and laid around on the couch, still sneezing my head off from dang allergies. Saul had work to do, so I finally ventured out that evening to go share a bottle or 2 of wine with the bff, Chandra. We watched a few hours of Jersey Shore, laughed a lot and finally, when my eyes were so itchy and red they were swelling shut on me, I called it a night.

Sunday, I took Bella out to Saul's soccer game where I spent more time keeping an eye on her, making sure the little kids petting her didn't do anything to make her go crazy and start barking at them or something, than I did watching the game. I don't know why I get nervous - maybe because she is just so big - but she is great with kids. She just sits or lays there and lets them play with her ears, pet her face, and poke at her eyes. She never tries to walk away, never growls, never gets agitated. I guess I am just paranoid. Clearly I need to me more dominant and more of a pack leader. I also watched a lot of Dog Whisperer this weekend.

Sunday night we went to the other bff, Sarah's house for burgers and beer. Her husband made the BEST inside-out cheeseburgers. Seriously, they were amazing. Also, they fried pickles, jalapenos, and green beans. Fried pickles are always wonderful, the fried pickled jalapenos were the shit, and the fried green beans tasted - no joke - like french fries. I was in a straight-up food coma that night. Also, I ran my ass off yesterday to make up for it.

4 days til my next 5K. We're working on getting costumes together for this weekend. This is my inspiration:


Photos coming next week.

Happy Tuesday!

You kissed me like a shark that's sniffing on a snack

I guess because I was sick last week and only worked 2 and a half days, this week has felt sooooo long. Like it would never end. Like I would be stuck behind my desk forever. Torture! But, now it's Friday and I am happy again.

I'm planning on busting out the camera and taking lots of photos this weekend. Not of anything in particular, but I need to sharpen up my skillz - oh, I got 'em - because it's about to be holiday season and ya know I gotsta get my picture on!

I so love Santana Lopez.

Because I am lazy today and would rather be reading YOUR blogs than writing on my own, here are some old posts for you to peruse. A "get to know me," if you will. And I suggest you do.

;)

Sometimes, my cars spontaneously combust
I am incapable of slowing down
I am one of THOSE people who is sort of obsessed with my dog
Sometimes though, I use her purely for my own amusement
The youth of today worries me
I write poetry
Welcome to our humble abode
Pretty much I've always been a badass
I'm already thinking about Christmas. Don't judge me.
I am big fan of this guy
How I spend some of my free time
He leaves for Saudi Arabia tomorrow - I'm gonna miss him
The best party we've ever thrown

Have a great weekend! I start drinking beer at 5.

Think Thin Thursday

Go HERE to find out how it all started


How is it that Thursday comes around so quickly each week? The week seems to trudge along slowly at first and then BLAM! I'm listening to Roula and Ryan's Roses at 7am. Does anyone else listen to that? Any Houston people out there? It's 100% a guilty pleasure, and I feel like a big jackass for even supporting the segment, but my god people are stupid.

Anyway...in Thin news, I broke up with my gym yesterday. Basically it boiled down to the fact that they arbitrarily started billing my member fees to another CC number - one that I didn't own - and the charge was declined. They called me asking for the "late payment" which was actually just my September payment, which I happily made. I asked about the billing change and they said they didn't know how it happened, but that I must have requested it. Even though I clearly did not ask for the change to be made, I was willing to let that slide, considering I like the gym.

Then they bitch-slapped me with over $40 in "processing fees." I was all, "oh heeeeell NO!" I tried being polite to the girl on the phone - I am pretty sure she didn't have anything against me personally - but when she said they couldn't remove the fees, I got all Bunquisha on her ass. You guys, I am not cheap. $40 isn't going to break my bank, but really, by this point it was more about principle for me.

"So you're telling me that because of a change I didn't authorize, I am being penalized an additional $40?"

"Yes ma'am. I do apologize, but we can't remove the charge."

"I need to talk to someone in member services about canceling my membership."

"Oh no, ma'am! We at (name withheld*) gym really do care about your fitness. Is there anything we can do to keep you as a member?"

"Were you even on the phone 20 seconds ago? You can remove the fees."

"I'm sorry ma'am, but we can't do that."

"Then I need to talk to someone about canceling."

"Well we are definitely concerned with your fitness - is there any other reason you'd be quitting the gym? Service issues?"

"Other than THIS ONE?"

"Oh..."

"Look, I just want to talk to someone about quitting. If you can't do that, I need someone else. I know you're allegedly concerned with my fitness, but clearly it doesn't mean more than $40 to you, does it?"

"Ma'am, that's a processing fee we can't remove."

"Right - you've said that like 3 times now. You also just said you were really concerned with my personal fitness level, so what is it? $40 or my fitness?"

"Let me connect you with someone in member cancellations..."

"So the $40 then. Thought so."

Guess I'll be running outside from now on...

xoxo


*Not really sure why I am withholding the name of the gym, but I guess I feel like I reached my bitch threshold for the day. Whatevs.

Chopped

So while the weather has been lovely and everything outside is still green and flourishing (in Texas, anyway), I spent most of last week cocooned inside my house, wrapped in blankets, thinking I was surely dying. I haven't been that sick in a long time. Actually, I can't even remember a time I was THAT sick - body aches, insanely high fever, sinus passages rebelling against their purpose and refusing to let air in...it was miserable. I missed 2 and a half days of work, which for me, is unheard of. I have taken maybe 2 sick days in the 5 years I've worked at my job, so to take 2 and a half in a week was kind of crazy for me.

I'm happy to report that I'm feeling much better now, although I still kind of sound like a dude on the phone thanks to the lingering mess of crap in my chest. Big props to Saul for basically doing everything for me last week, short of wiping my feverish butt. He cooked, he cleaned (THAT'S not weird...he always cleans), he fed me Aspirin, and he let me commandeer the remote. If that's not love, I don't know what is.

Also, he bought me Beauty and the Beast yesterday! I am so pumped to watch Mrs. Potts and Chip in all their crisp blu-ray-ness. Be our guest, indeed.

Since I was officially an invalid last week, I didn't get to show y'all my new 'do. For my whole life I've had long hair. There was that one unfortunate cut my sophomore year of college, but even that "short" hair wasn't thaaat short - still hung below my shoulders. My hair has always been boob-length or longer. Up until a couple years ago, it was usually all one length, but then I discovered layers and how they made my hair swing, so the last few years my hair has been long with long layers, occasionally with swoopy bangs. Well folks, I was officially tired of the long hair.

My bff Chandra's sister cuts hair, and when I went to her house last week and told her what I wanted, she sucked a bunch of air in and looked at me very seriously. "Are you SURE?" I nodded and told her to start cutting. 30 minutes later, my head felt considerably lighter and I heard her 2 year-old daughter gasp and say, "Woah Mom, that's a lot of hair!" Sho'nuff, I looked at the ground and there was about 8 inches of my hair piled on the ground. I looked in the mirror and had the weirdest feeling - it was like the short-haired reflection looking back at me had always been there. Is that weird? I don't know how else to describe it, except to say that it was just very familiar.

I am SO happy with my new short hair. It's still ponytail-able, but it's healthy and bouncy and so much fun to DO. I've found myself dressing cuter and actually putting on makeup to go to work. It got two enthusiastic thumbs up from Saul, too. I've had long hair my whole life, but it was time for a change.

Before:


After:

*The face reflects my attitude toward my location, not my hair.

Happy Tuesday, lovahs!

Bring on the cowbell

I have been sick. Like, 104 fever sick. I've been laid up on the couch for the last few days, coughing my lungs out, watching terrible daytime tv, and sleeping. I'm not 100% yet, but I'm on a Z-Pack, so hopefully by Monday I'll be right again.

Have a great weekend, guys!
xoxo

Pretty sure I just died and went to heaven...

...because seriously, Texas weather??? I mean, SERIOUSLY?

It is STILL gorgeous here.

I'm trying to be cool and not totally lose my shit over this, but you guys, yesterday we hung out all day long with the windows and doors open. ALL DAY LONG.

Excuse the caps. Clearly, I am 100% totally losing my shit over this.

I don't even know what this means (what does this mean?<--Where's my double rainbow guy?!). You know how when summer is crazy long and people are all, 'Oh, maybe this means we'll have an insanely long winter,' or something like that? Being gifted with this California-like weather for a solid 2 weeks in a row either means that FINALLY the people upstairs have taken a shine to our little LoneStar state and decided to only be total assholes with the climate for 11.5 months out of the year, or that we're being teased with this ridiculously beautiful weather only to be beaten back into submission with some wicked natural disaster. Or something. Running in this on Saturday morning made me so happy and I was actually able to run the whole 5K. My 5K time is going backward with each race I run, which makes no sense at all, but this is the first 5K that I have run with no walking breaks start to finish. Granted, my pace was pretty slow, but I will claim until the death that it was due to 35,000 people running down Allen Parkway at the same time. Yeah - 35 THOUSAND people. It was a cluster-f* for sure, but it was so awesome to see so many people out running for the boobies. After the run we went to Cafe Brasil on Westheimer and Dunlavy and I had the best huevos rancheros ever. Sarah and I met up with Heather, another girlfriend from TLU, and sat out on the patio and sipped ice tea while the day warmed up. Normally, my liquor-lovin' self would have been drinking mimosas, but it was only the beginning of what was going to be a very long day, so I held back.

Sarah and I hauled ass up to our side of town and did a quick wardrobe change (also, showers, because...ew) before heading to The Woodlands to meet up with our girl Lindsey to celebrate her bachelorette night. Our group stayed at the Avia Woodlands and OH MY GOD, this hotel was ridiculous. We were in the Presidential Suite which looked like this...

Pretty sweet, right? We hung out there for a while then went to dinner and out to the bars where we danced our asses off and proceeded to get nice and sloshy. We crawled (like, seriously...the bachelorette literally crawled out of the elevator) back to the suite around 4am. The next morning the suite looked like a scene out of The Hangover, but with less tigers and babies, and this time with more wheelchair. Yeeeeah, one of the girls was in a wheelchair the night before as a result of a pretty major surgery she had on Thursday. She is the sister of the groom though, so she was a trooper and showed up and sipped coffee all night. We were quite the group!

Sunday Saul and I grilled and sat out on the deck with some beers. The weather was amazing again and we listened to the Raiders lose to the Texans (ugh). Minus the Texans' win it was a great weekend!

Have a great week, everyone!

xo