October 27, 2010

The pain passes, but the beauty remains

Let me be the first to say I hate vague blog posts. I feel the writer posts them so that they will get a bunch of sympathy comments in return. I shouldn't judge, because I am sure that's not always the case. I read your blogs because I think you're funny, you're real, and I feel like, even though we're not friends in real life, we connect on some level and if you lived in Houston we might actually hang out. I don't read your blogs to be confused by posts that leave me wondering if you're teetering on the edge of something major or if I need to worried about your sanity.

That being said, I'm sorry for my last post.

I got some news last night from a dear friend - a friend I honestly can't remember my life without - and it rocked the shit out of my world. I won't divulge the details, as they are not mine to give away, but the call left me speechless and I hung up the phone, finished my drive home, walked into my empty house, sat on my couch in silence/darkness for 5 minutes, then went on my insane run (seriously...I was hauling ass) before absolutely falling apart in the privacy of my shower. I was just numb before the water hit me, and then I lost it. I haven't cried like that since...

...well, to be honest, I don't know that I have ever cried like that.

My friend doesn't read my blog. Doesn't even know I have one. Really, not many of my friends do. I find it's easier for me to write whatever I want knowing no one I see daily will ask me about it. I needed to get those feelings out last night, though. I just didn't know how to feel. My friend is ok physically, and there is some solace in that, but knowing how broken emotionally they are right now is just way more than I was prepared to deal with last night.

I don't live a perfect life. None of my friends do, either. However, as far as lives go, we've all led pretty charmed ones. We've dealt with our share of issues and heartbreak, but nothing that we haven't been able to talk about and work through. I don't know if that makes me a more insensitive person - I've never dealt with anything HUGE, so I am not sure how to react when one of my friends has to. Not that any of my friends really has had to, yet...

...until now.

I know full well this is not about me. I didn't want the last post to sound like I was trying to garner any sort of pity for MY situation. I wrote it because, for some reason, yesterday on the phone I couldn't say it.

I appreciate the concern. It amazes me how kind internet friends can be. How kind strangers can be. I am completely fine. The only thing about my life that is going to change from last night's discussion will be my phone bill - that sucker is likely going to increase exponentially.

I considered taking the post down this morning, but I think it needs to stay up. Maybe someday, when all is right with their world again, I will show it to my friend. Show them that even though I didn't have the words on the phone, I was able to get it down in writing. And I doubt they will be the least bit surprised. They know I've always been better on paper, anyway.

If you pray, please say a little prayer for my friend. I know they would be grateful.

Apologies for the ambiguity.

Here's to healing.

Because they will. They will heal. Of that, I am certain. Nothing ambiguous about that.


Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever.
Lance Armstrong

4 comments:

Melody said...

Wow. Rough stuff. No real words of wisdom or comfort. Just hugs and prayers- for both of you.

bananas. said...

tough times...it happens to the best of us. and don't worry, i've been through a lot of shit and i still have a hard time knowing what to say to others.

keep your head up and stay strong. if anything that's the best thing you can do for your friend.

hugs again. and yay for internet buds...but not the crazy psycho ones. lol.

bananas. said...

LOL at your comment.

i swear bush lovers get all sensitivo when you diss their main man but c'mon now...it's not like i'm the first one to do so! lol.

ah well...sorry about your rangers but hey it's not over yet. though i am hoping that it will be tonight. i'm so tired of being stressed the F out.

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