Hello, Dolly!

See that?

That massive, green swirl?

Yeah, that's headed RIGHT TOWARD MY HOUSE.

Just kidding.

I don't know how far away it is in miles, but I consider pretty much anything on the Texas Gulf Coast "just down the street," and definitely close enough to brag about.

Not that I am bragging about a hurricane. I know they are devastating and kill things and are not something normal people should be happy about. However, no one has ever really believed I was normal and therefore I would just like to make it known that I do live near-ish to that giant cyclone of rain and wind, and tell you all about it. Californians have earthquakes, the Midwest handles tornadoes, and the Gulf? Well we get the hurricanes.

I don't remember ever worrying about hurricanes before Katrina. We'd been in Texas for 7 years at that point and I honestly don't recall even hearing about hurricanes possibly making landfall anywhere in Texas. Maybe I was just naive, or maybe I just didn't pay enough attention to the news, or maybe because, for 4 years prior to Katrina I was happy living in my little TLU bubble in the very land-locked metropolis of Seguin and the threat of a hurricane there was ludicrous! LUDICROUS I TELL YOU!

Once Katrina hit New Orleans, people in Texas lost their freaking minds. People became amateur storm trackers and posted "hurricane watch" maps in their houses, and started drilling their kids on rendezvous points outside of the city, should a storm hit and the family wasn't together. I'm not joking. And while I know it's good to be prepared and ready for the unexpected, it really got a little out of control.

When Rita was predicted to hit Galveston, dear holy shit, you would have thought that someone ran into the middle of downtown Houston with a megaphone and screamed that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie were naked in Conroe, ready and willing to have a massive orgy with all the residents of Harris County, but you had to leave NOW so GO! GO! GO!

It was taking people 12 hours to make what is normally an hour and a half drive, because the entire city emptied out at the same time and all had to go in the same direction. And then Rita swung north and attacked Beaumont, completely missing Houston, only dropping a little rain. The bitch.

That was the last (and only, to my knowledge) major hurricane episode I have experienced in Houston in 10 years. I have gotten a ton of e-mails today, asking how we are doing and wondering whether or not the storm is blowing my house down. I appreciate the concern and yes, I am fine and no, my house is not blown over. I don't, however, buy into the hype, and will probably not ever leave my house to sit on the highway for 20 hours with the rest of the city.

I will gladly take a Hurricane Day from work, though, thanks.