Like sleeping on tiny little clouds...

I cannot wait until tonight. I don’t think I have ever been as excited to go home as I am right now. The chunk of my day existing between the hours of 7pm and 10pm will probably go down in history as 3 of the most anticipated hours in my life.

Why?

Because that’s when our new mattress will be delivered!!!

Don’t laugh.

If you do, your punishment will be to come over and sleep for a night on the mattress we’ve been living on for the past year. I am pretty sure when you wake up, a twisted, mangled mess of your former self, you won’t be laughing anymore.

Have you ever slept on an air mattress with a small hole in it? The kind of air mattress that, at the beginning of the night starts out all fluffy and inviting and air-filled, only to slowly leak said air throughout the night, causing you to wake up around 3am in a hysterical panic because you are DROWNING in the now half-deflated air mattress? That is what sleeping on our non air-filled mattress was like. Pure terror every single night.

SK bought his bedroom furniture and mattress when he graduated from college. Apparently he used to sleep right in the center of his bed because there is definitely an SK-shaped crater in the middle of his mattress. While this is not such a huge issue when one is alone in his bed, it requires major effort and strategic limb placement when both of us are trying to sleep in it. It really is impossible to get through the whole night without having that dream that you’re falling, only to wake up, arms and legs flailing, not able to breathe because your face is smushed up against a shoulder that is not yours. I can’t remember the last time I slept through the whole night and SK didn’t wake up complaining of shoulder or back pain.

Yesterday morning was the last straw for him. He woke up with his shoulder killing him, angry and crabby after another night of broken sleep. He got dressed and ready for work, black clouds swirling around his head, cursing the bed every time he caught sight of it. He looked at me and said furiously, “we are getting a new mattress TONIGHT.” Well, oooookay then.

So we go to the Mattress Giant Super Store after work. We were met at the door by Chuck, Mattress Salesman of the Year, and he immediately started saying things like “body forming memory foam,” “pillow top,” and “movement recognition,” and I thought my head was going to explode with the gloriousness of it all. We threw ourselves down on 20 or so different beds, rolled from backs to sides to stomachs, determined that a Tempur-Pedic was WAY the hell out of our price range, and finally found THE ONE.

She is going to be delivered tonight and I am so excited I think I might pee myself a little. Don’t bother calling me between the hours of 7 and 10. I won’t answer. However, if you are in the area, feel free to join us in the parking lot of our building for s’mores and roasted hot dogs. That pile of debris making up the kindling for the bonfire we’ll be roasting them over? That would be our old mattress.