Addendum

I’ve been schooled, ya’ll.

My aunt Cheryl called me the day after I posted the NJJ blurb and WENT OFF.

“You DO know that 4oz. of wine actually has about the same calories in it as a 12oz. bottle of light beer, right? And you DO know that 4oz. of hard liquor—wait, what kind of liquor do you drink?”

“Um…vodka?”

“RIGHT. A 4oz. shot of vodka has about the same calories as a 12oz bottle of light beer, too. They are all worth 2 points. I looked it up in Weight Watchers. JUST DRINK BEER.”

“Um…ok…”

“Oh, and also? The pork chops your mom made for New Year’s Day dinner? They were FRIED.”

Well, fuck.

While I can get over the pork chop thing—I plead ignorance! I didn’t know!—the wine/liquor vs. beer thing really threw me off. I have taken 2, yes 2, alcohol awareness classes thanks to MIP’s received on the river, one on the DAY before I turned 21 (thanks Officer DICK), so you would think I would know this. Actually though, I just knew that they all contained about the same amount of alcohol. Weirdly enough, alcohol awareness instructors don’t go into the caloric properties of the booze they are so enthusiastically educating you on.

So I relay this info to SK, who is the champion of the NJJ cause. He’s been doing it every January for years and swears by its detoxifying capabilities.

“Yeah, I know. You didn’t know that?”

“How the hell was I supposed to know that? So then why are wine and liquor ok?”

“Think about it—how much beer do we drink when we drink it?”

**I will not give my actual answer here, just know that even thinking about it now makes my liver shudder and throw up a little.

“Right. And how much wine or liquor do we drink when we go out?”

“Um, FAR less than that.”

So he told me to do the math. He knew that a bottle of beer has about the same calories as a shot or a small glass of wine, but we drink a hell of a lot more beer when we do drink it. Basically this month is about moderation, as well as eating healthier.

So to any of you that thought the same thing as my aunt when you read my post, there is the method behind it.

I have also been informed by NJJ King SK that this month all fast food is outlawed as well. No huge deal, except that now, in this moment, for the first time in my entire fucking life, I am craving a Big Mac. And a beer.

It’s day 10, people. I am in trouble.