May 22, 2008

Where the F%$& is the Orkin Man???

SK makes fun of me because the only time I go super girly on him is when bugs are involved. I freak out when I see bugs in the house. Not to the point of leaving my house, bug still inside, until SK can come home and take care of it, but I just don't like "critters" in my living space.

Neither does Chandra.

Two years ago, when she and I were both living just a quarter of a mile away from each other, in apartments downtown, I get a phone call from her. I answer, and realize she is

"Cheryl...there is a my kitchen!"

She was actually whisper-screaming, which, if you are not extremely talented, is impossible to do. I could hear the extreme panic in her voice.

"Ok...well, two things. One, why the fuck are you whispering? And two, just kill it."

"I CAN'T KILL IT!" Her voice becoming more shrill, still carrying off the whisper-scream perfectly. "And I am whispering because what if it can
hear me?"

"Um, pretty sure roaches don't have ears, but whatever. Do you need me to come over or something?"

-Big shuddery sigh from Chandra-

"Are you CRYING?!"

"NO! They just gross me out so much! What if one of the dogs eats it? It's in the kitchen. I turned the lights off."

"Do you have any Raid?"

"Um, I have some Windex..."

"Ok, here's what you do. Go into the kitchen with the Windex and a shoe..."

"Ok...I'm standing by the light switch."

-She's still whispering, PS.-

"Flip on the light and scan the floor. It'll run out when the light comes on. Spray it with the Windex, although I don't know what exactly that will do, other than leave it streak-free and shiny, and then hit it with the shoe when it's all messed up from the blast of glass cleaner."

"Oh God, oh God, oh God..."

"You can do this...NOW!"

-Terrifying screaming ensues-

"I GOT IT!!! Oh what the fuck do I do with this shoe?!"

1 comment:

Sorrelle said...

Ya'll sure do say "Fuck" a lot in Texas =)

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