December 18, 2007

The blog where I start talking about how I have nothing to talk about and then go off on a random tangent about relationships

Clearly, December has been a bit busy. I have posted a link to SOMEONE ELSE’S BLOG so that you can still have something interesting to read when you happen upon my page, and one Christmas survey. And really, for as busy as we’ve been, I haven’t got a whole lot to say. So I will just start typing and see where this leads. Always scary with me, but here we go anyway!

I've started my Christmas shopping, which is amazing because usually I don't start until around the 23rd. Yeah, you heard me--December 23rd. Booyah. I love buying gifts for people, but hate hate hate the malls at Christmas time. I despise the mall normally, but aroundChristmas they are just insane and I can’t handle them. My mom and I went out last weekend though and had a great time (possibly aided by the 7 or so mimosas we drank at Chandra’s house prior to going to the mall…hee) and I made a dent in my list. Go me.

Work hasn’t slowed down at all, which is both bad and good. Bad in that I never get a moment of free time and end up writing this on my lunch break, and good because I never get a moment of free time and my day fucking flies. Seriously. I feel like I sit down at my computer at a quarter to 8 and the next time I look up it’s 5. It’s awesome. My yearly raise should be decided this week, and our office Christmas party is Friday, and then 2 weeks of 4 –day weekends are coming up, so I have little to complain about as far as work goes.

SK has been sick, finally getting over it completely this past weekend. It never got to coughing and hacking and fever and grossness, but apparently his head felt not so good and he wore his cranky pants for a good portion of the beginning of December. As a result, his sleeping schedule was directly affected which, in turn, affected mine, and we have been going to sleep at 9pm every. single. night. Which, really…not gonna lie…has been pretty freaking fantastic.

We haven’t gone out on a weeknight in I don’t know how long, which is great for our bank accounts and makes Bella happy, but is a huge change for us. We used to go out all the time, to dinner and bars and friends houses and concerts. Didn’t matter what day of the week it was, we were down to drink and have a good time and spend too much money. I don’t know when the shift happened—we blame different things; SK, Bella and the fact that she needs attention all the time and Me, THE BUYING OF THE HOUSE that all of our extra money is going towards. Regardless, we have become a different set of people than we were even 8 months ago, and that freaks me the hell out.

I don’t want to be THOSE PEOPLE who never go out and never see their friends and stay holed up in their apartment and always complain of never having any money to do anything with.

One of my biggest issues with relationships has been the fear that being part of pair meant I would have to change into this person that I no longer recognized. That having a boyfriend meant that I would have to stay home all the time unless HE wanted to go out, and that I would have set nights that I would see my friends because all of my attention needed to go to HIM first. I have seen a lot of friends relationships go south because someone was too jealous or someone needed too much attention or someone was unwilling to compromise on even the littlest things. Probably why I never had a serious relationship in college…I never wanted to lose ME in the eventual US.

When I met and started dating SK, I realized that he was just as into hanging out with his friends and spending time by himself as I was. It’s definitely one of the things that attracted me to him. I was impressed by his ability to prioritize and make room for me in his life without making me his life. It was something I had never really looked for in a guy, because I didn’t know it was possible for someone else to think the same way as me when it came to stuff like that. In SK, I found that someone else.

He keeps teasing me that I used to be able to stay up later than him and was a bigger partier than he was when we first started dating. The response I throw back is, well you aren’t recovering from the last year and a half now, ARE YOU???

I’m not afraid of losing myself in our relationship because I know that SK wouldn't ever push for that to happen, and what's more important, I know he wouldn't let me, but I am afraid that we will become boring and I will fight against that HARD. I rationalize that we are just worn out right now and we need to recoup before the big end of the year parties start happening.

I also think we have just hit a nice place where it’s just as fun to stay home, cook dinner, sit on the couch and watch TV with the dog as it is to go out and spend money at a bar, and for me to announce that to the world and be 100% ok with that is a really, really big fucking deal.


KAREN! said...

yay! i LOVE staying at home and going to bed at 9 pm. not all the time...(after a while i feel like a grandma) but it's great, isnt it? have a great christmas and we're SO ON for Jan!

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